Apocalypse prediction survival guide

Welcome to my apocalypse prediction survival guide.

I have been surviving apocalypse predictions since the day I was born. I survived six apocalypse predictions before I even started school. Yes, I’m that awesome. I’ve already survived three apocalypse predictions this year, and four last year.

In total, I have survived no less than 76 apocalypse predictions!!! 1

In this guide I’m going to explain how you can learn from experts like me and survive apocalypse predictions like you wouldn’t believe.

Lesson 1

Lesson 2

There is no lesson two. You’re now an expert apocalypse prediction survivor.

Bonus Extra Lesson!!

If you’re not yet convinced that my survival guide is bulletproof, you can purchase “Survival Powers” using the button below.

First select the type of survival powers you’d like to receive, then click the Buy Now button and send me your hard earned cash 2.

After that, I promise to think very hard about you (at least 30 seconds of thought per level of power you purchase). Within that thought process I will try to picture your being and imagine a glow around you. That unique glow that I’ll be picturing around you will be you gaining survival powers – in my mind! How awesome is that.

Survival Powers

  1. According to wikipedia this is the number of apocalypse predictions since the day I was born: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
  2. Please note that in the event of a real apocalypse or apocalyptic event, these powers offer no added guarantee of survival, but knowing you have them might make you feel a little better about your chances. This feeling of having a better chance of survival may or may not influence your real chances of survival, in the same way that being drunk may or may not decrease your chance of injury when you fall off something. Of course, had you not been drunk you might not have gotten into that situation in the first place. So you can look at it any which way – just don’t come crying to me.